Killing a dragon can turn you into one: a woman abuser from Fergana, who endured domestic violence 70 years ago, now instills fear in her entire family.

Many women in Uzbekistan hesitate to speak openly about domestic violence. They fear reaching out to the police or seeking help. For some, domestic violence has become a regular part of life, and they believe that the only way out is to endure it.

Uzbekistan became the first country in Central Asia to criminalize domestic violence. In April 2023, a law was adopted, and the Criminal Code was amended to include Article 126-1, establishing criminal liability for such crimes.

However, despite legislative changes, many victims continue to face domestic violence.

The protagonist of this story is Maftuna, a 45-year-old resident of a small town in the Fergana Valley. She has worked as a kindergarten teacher for 26 years. In her family, she is the ninth child, with six sisters and two brothers.

According to her, she has been dealing with domestic violence for 17 years of her married life. Unlike traditional notions of violence, where the husband is the aggressor, in Maftuna's case, the aggression manifests through her mother-in-law's actions. This includes manipulations, psychological pressure, and humiliation.

Maftuna recounts that her mother-in-law has become a source of constant stress and fear for all family members, including her husband and two children.

“The humiliations come in the form of comments about how I come from a very poor family and that my parents are destitute. I manage to endure many humiliations, but each time ‘Mama’ (mother-in-law – ed.) starts insulting my deceased parents, saying they didn’t provide me with a proper dowry or that we didn’t have a refrigerator or a TV at home, it’s hard for me to bear such words.”

“She often reproaches me that my mother gave birth to nine children, ‘like a dog,’ and none of us received higher education. She frequently repeats that even pigs can give birth to children. During arguments, she says my mother was crazy. She mentions my father less, perhaps because she didn’t know him while he was alive. I used to try to defend my parents, but then I realized that this only fueled the ‘fire’ in my mother-in-law even more. After that, she could scold me or my parents for hours without stopping,” Maftuna shares.

Maftuna's mother-in-law is a 75-year-old woman with expressive facial features. Her gaze reflects a wealth of life experience, the imprint of time, and natural beauty highlighted by her fair skin. Maftuna notes the resemblance between herself and her mother-in-law—they both have charming faces with a natural blush, expressive eyes, and prefer to gather their long hair into a large bun at the back of their heads, tying it with a scarf. In communication, her mother-in-law displays an inviting openness and friendliness, which raises doubts about her tyrannical nature. According to Maftuna, her mother-in-law demonstrates perfectionism in the courtyard of the house, adorned with many irises and fir trees at the gate, as well as in maintaining perfect cleanliness and order within the house, which is her constant demand.

The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have lived under the same roof for almost two decades. Maftuna tries to keep herself busy with household chores and gardening to minimize interactions with her mother-in-law and avoid conflicts.

Dealing with stress is also aided by a large garden with fruit trees, which Maftuna tends to after her father-in-law’s death. Here, she plants potatoes, greens, and raises chickens.

“You know, my mother-in-law often says that a chicken is one of the seven treasures given to man by the Almighty. And when I take care of the birds, I feel such peace in my soul. My late mother also loved raising chicks very much,” Maftuna recalls.

“We all take moments of calm or when my mother-in-law is in a good mood as happiness; we cherish these respites and simultaneously fear doing something wrong that might change her mood again,” the woman says.

As Maftuna explains, after such “arguments,” her mother-in-law can take hours or days to recover. Her attitude toward her grandchildren and her own son—Maftuna’s husband—changes after conflicts; she begins to scold them for any minor faults, such as if her grandson drops something on the floor or “loudly” bites into an apple. During these moments, her mother-in-law tells them that “their mother (Maftuna) is an abnormal woman who gave birth to abnormal children.”

“I can say that I have gotten used to this. I just tell myself that my mother-in-law is an elderly and sick woman,” Maftuna says.

Every weekday, Maftuna gets up at 5 AM, tidies the yard, feeds the animals, prepares breakfast, and goes to work at the kindergarten. After work, she rushes home to avoid being late and incurring her mother-in-law’s displeasure. Once home, Maftuna quickly changes clothes, as any delay could lead to an argument with her mother-in-law. This daily routine has been maintained since the moment of her marriage.

Maftuna spends most of her time in the kitchen, which she calls her “island of freedom.” She cooks, cleans, and prays to cope with the psychological pressure. Her daily schedule varies with the seasons: in winter, she goes to bed early, while in summer, she stays up late due to the need to water the garden.

Maftuna tries to avoid phone conversations when her mother-in-law is at home and switches her phone to silent mode after work. Calls irritate her mother-in-law greatly, whether from colleagues or the parents of her children, which often leads to arguments. Maftuna's relatives have stopped calling her, and no one visits her. When Maftuna was a young daughter-in-law, her nephews and sisters would come to visit, but after their visits, her mother-in-law would always express her dissatisfaction.

“Sometimes I feel like this is a prison from which one can only escape, but my children are here, and this house is their home,” Maftuna says.

Maftuna shares that each year, the scandals from her mother-in-law become more frequent. The only way out of such situations, she sees, is through patience.

Maftuna believes that domestic violence means a lack of freedom for women. In her home, there are two televisions, one of which she bought jointly with her husband on credit, but her mother-in-law is the only viewer. The children cannot watch television when “Mama” is home, as she scolds them for watching “unnecessary movies.” They have become accustomed to watching TV only in the absence of their grandmother.

Maftuna shared that several times, in moments of despair, she attempted to take her own life. The last time, she took a bottle of table vinegar to drink, but her mother-in-law managed to knock it from her hands and hit Maftuna in the face. After that, Maftuna felt empty, as if in a fog, seeing neither herself nor her children around, as if all her energy had been drained from her, and she didn’t know what to do.

Maftuna cannot recall the reason for the argument that led her to decide to end her life. She says that at some point, she simply ran out of strength to endure this life. This was the second time she attempted to leave this world, but she asks not to inquire about the first case.

According to her, physical abuse from her mother-in-law is not a frequent occurrence, but she can hit her daughter-in-law in the face or the children. Once, her mother-in-law even attempted to strangle Maftuna in a fit of rage. The woman notes that it is easier for her to endure physical pressure than psychological.

The 75-year-old owner of the large, well-kept house where Maftuna lives suffers from health issues such as asthma and leg pain, which may influence her mood.

According to Maftuna, her mother-in-law displays tyrannical behavior not only towards her but also towards her own children. The woman often throws objects at her son or strikes him in the face, and he has to run away from her. Conflicts with her son arise over household issues, and even the neighbors’ reactions to her sharp comments can provoke an outburst at her son.

At the same time, Maftuna notes that her mother-in-law is caring towards the children and grandchildren, and despite the scolding, she helps them, including financially.

In Uzbek families, sons do not leave their parents

In Maftuna's account, her husband is described as a very gentle and almost spineless person. He prefers to retreat into himself during family arguments to avoid exacerbating the situation. The spouses discussed the possibility of acquiring separate housing but understand that in Uzbek families, sons do not leave their parents.

In Uzbek families, there is a tradition that newlyweds do not sever ties with their spouse's parents and prefer to live together. This practice is based on respect for the older generations and the support of family ties. Housing is typically shared among several generations, fostering close relationships among relatives. Young families receive support and assistance